Saturday, April 17, 2010

seeing auras...what next....?

My plans for a magical weekend in Taipei have to be postponed until I see the doctor and figure out what's up with the magic show in my brain.

I started feeling funny while teaching yesterday.  Intensely stressed, and then kind of out of it.  When I stood up to leave class for break, my vision became blurry.  By the time I got to the office I could hardly see with all the crazy activity taking place before my eyes.  Spots, snow-spots (like when you turn to a blank channel on tv), rainbow colored zigzags twirling around and lightning flashes.  I could hear my co-workers but it felt like I was in a tunnel...first thing I thought was "I'm having a stroke."

Felt very weak, co worker had to lead me back downstairs.  Two of the women I work with took me to the hospital.  The magic show subsided after about 20 minutes and came back briefly later.  However, I'm still feeling a little out of it and I have a mild headache as well.  It was the most terrifying thing I ever experienced and I hope it never happens again.

At the hospital I had blood and eye tests.  They tactfully told me "Oh, it's a problem in your brain."  They did a CT scan.  Said everything appears normal and they're going to send me to a neurologist next week.  I feel like a boss called me while I was there and asked me questions about hitting my head when I was younger...since the doctors told her it must be a brain problem too. 

So it's not a tumor.  That leaves blood clot, migraines with auras without the headache (really weird phenomenon) or insanity.  I'm truly worried this is a slow descent into insanity.

However, the event scared me so much that it kinda put  things in perspective.  I need to really crack down and prioritize what needs to be done in my life.  My anxiety needs to get under control once more.  Yoga, acupuncture will ensue.  I need to stop worrying about useless things like what other people are thinking.  I need to avoid all potential romantic relationships right now because it seems they just interfere with my healing process and inject more stress into my brain.  I need to take those classes I want to take.  Most of all, I need to get back in tune with God.

I also have not studied Chinese seriously in almost two months.  While it can be stressful, I was happier back when I was trying to memorize flashcards and not dwelling on stupid things.

Life is short...yesterday reminded me of that.  We only have so much time to make things right and to make the best of our lives.  It's something all of us need to experience now and then.  While I hope nothing serious is going on in my body, I'm grateful I've been given another day.  And a reminder that NOW not later, is the time to change.

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