some days...

I feel like a fraud.  Am I really a teacher?  Much of the time, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.  While the past year teaching on this island has taught me a lot, I have to say I'm still not totally comfortable in teacher-mode, particularly with older students.  I thought I had the younger classes pretty much under control but my boss proved me wrong tonight.

I agreed to teach an additional Tuesday night class but asked to observe my boss's teaching style for this one night.  I ate something today that gave me stomach problems so for most of the class I sat there looking like a log, taking notes.  At one point he asked me to take over and I politely told him I wasn't feeling up to par and preferred to watch.  But then I felt guilty because he said he wanted to take a smoking break.  Ok, so I took over the class, he went out, I thought things were going along.

I'd say a word with a specific short vowel sound, and they'd write it.  Like cat, pet, pig, etc.  My boss came back in and watched me a moment or two, then told me I was adding an "uh" sound to the end of some of my words.  WOW.  Talk about embarrassing, especially since this is something we're supposed to lecture the kids about all the time.

When teaching the alphabet sounds, with some letters we say "GGG guh guh guh" and sometimes the kids tack those sounds on to the ends of words.  Like with bag, sometimes they'll say  "baguh."  Anyway, I must have picked up the habit from my previous job.  Horrified, I realized I did it more than once during the lesson.

I felt pretty stupid, especially when he said he was going to come again next Tuesday and watch.  Maybe it's time to change my profession.

While I do enjoy teaching and working with kids, I hope I find my true calling within the next couple years.   I love this city so far and I could see myself staying with this school for possibly more than a year (if I don't get fired) but I know that something bigger awaits.  I hope.